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December 10, 2013 – Monologue Jokes
1. Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin will host a new show on the Sportsman Channel which will focus on her love of the outdoors. The first episode will feature Palin learning how to open a door. 2....
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December 25, 2013 – Monologue Jokes
1. In a new interview, Edward Snowden declared that he has “already won” his battle with the U.S. over the leaked NSA information. “Well, nothing goes with a statement of premature victory better than...
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February 3, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Saturday night, Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning won the NFL’s regular season MVP award. Said Manning, “So you know it wasn’t my fault.” 2. Last night boxer Floyd Mayweather reportedly...
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February 4, 2013 – Monologue Jokes
1. A jewelry store in Alabama owes customers approximately $70,000 after a promotion offering refunds if either team scored a safety came to fruition just twelve seconds into Sunday’s SuperBowl. Said...
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February 24, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Pope Benedict made a surprise appearance at the Vatican on Saturday while Pope Francis was inducting 19 new Cardinals. Then, after the ceremony, Pope Benedict hung around the parking lot and told...
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March 14, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Thursday, Nickelodeon announced it is starting a sport awards show modeled after its popular Kids’ Choice Awards. So congratulations to the first ever Nickelodeon Sports Lifetime Achievement...
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April 7, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Friday, portraits of various world leaders painted by former President George W. Bush were unveiled at an exhibit in Dallas. Most visitors were impressed with the artwork, but, per usual, Bush...
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May 19, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Tara, the California cat that became a YouTube sensation after being caught on video saving a boy from a dog attack, has been invited to throw out the first pitch at a minor league baseball game....
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May 28, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Tuesday, the Florida Supreme Court struck down the state’s requirement that a baseline “threshold” IQ score of 70 must be met before a prisoner can be executed. Which explains why no one has been...
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July 29, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Supporters of former Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez on Monday unveiled a font for typing that mimics the late socialist leader’s handwriting. The way the font works is no matter what you type in,...
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October 31, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Wednesday, a Florida man broke the record for the biggest and most expensive Starbucks drink by ordering a 101-shot latte that cost him $83.75. Even more impressive, he set the same record in...
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November 11, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. New York City Ebola patient Dr. Craig Spencer is expected to be released from the hospital today. Word of advice to Dr. Spencer, start working on a convincing lie to the question: “You look...
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November 14, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. This week, Paper Magazine released a picture of Kim Kardashian shooting champagne into a glass balanced on her butt. I haven’t seen that much champagne on that big of ass since A-Rod won the World...
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December 9, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Yesterday, a judge threw out a high-profile murder case against Shrien Dewani who was accused of killing his wife while they were on their honeymoon in South Africa. “It’s called precedent and...
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December 10, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Monday, Prince William and Kate Middleton attended a Brooklyn Nets game with Jay-Z and Beyonce. Not to be outdone, Prince Charles and Camilla were allowed to play point guard for the New York...
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December 11, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. A church in Alabama has started holding Sunday services at a local Buffalo Wild Wings restaurant. Because who needs to be saved more than people who spend their Sunday mornings at a Buffalo Wild...
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December 12, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. In a recent interview, Kim Kardashian said she gained weight during her pregnancy because God was punishing her for being so hot. Said God, “Dealing with Kanye should be punishment enough. You got...
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December 18, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. The U.S. and Cuba agreed on Wednesday to restore diplomatic ties that Washington severed more than 50 years ago. A move experts are hailing as a giant step forward in foreign relations or the most...
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December 19, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Residents in Southern California have complained about a medical marijuana dispensary’s Christmas display which features a pot-smoking Santa Claus. He goes into to other people’s home and eats their...
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January 5, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. The U.S.-led coalition in Afghanistan formally ended its combat mission last week, more than 13 years after an international coalition ousted the Taliban government. Said former President George W....
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